Theme 15: Eliminating Self-Doubt

Will I apply for that position or won’t I? Will I apply for that position or won’t I? Does this statement sound familiar? The reason it’s repeated is that people often find themselves asking the same question time and time again throughout their careers.

This was evident at a workshop I recently ran for aspiring school leaders at Canterbury University. Throughout the time we worked together great discussions took place around preparing middle leaders in schools for principalship however I couldn’t help but sense trepidation about ‘taking the leap’ and committing to becoming a school principal. This is often the case especially for people who are highly competent however doubtful of their ability.

This feeling differs for the people who are currently in middle leadership positions who have enough other challenges to keep them busy and fulfilled for e.g. further study or family commitments.

In the first part of this article, I, will unpack an important question: Why are very capable middle managers/leaders often hesitant to apply for major leadership positions? and secondly, what does it take to encourage these great people to go that next step?

One of the biggest factors is being put off by the enormity of a job. Sometimes people can tend to focus more on the difficult and challenging parts of a potential leadership position, for example, having difficult conversations, ensuring health and safety procedures are sound and the finances are in shape.

Another reason is negative self-talk. I think we can all be guilty of talking ourselves out of potentially amazing positions, as we don’t feel we are good enough, confident enough and capable enough of doing the job when in fact we are. 

Being influenced by other peoples thinking can also cause self-doubt. I’m talking about these types of statements: “Why would you apply for that position”? “You wouldn’t want to lead that organisation would you?” “Think twice before applying for that job as I haven’t heard very good things about that place.”

Lastly, potential leaders can miss winning great positions because they get stuck in the environment they are working in and can’t see all the incredible opportunities that exist out there. 

The following strategies can be used to ensure your decision-making skills are robust and you are applying for leadership positions because they are ‘best fit’.

• Make the call. Do I want to become a leader or not? It’s as simple as that. If you keep flip-flopping around this decision, you will never go there. I often use WHY or purpose statements to clearly define my career intentions and get me into the place of making clear decisions. For e.g “I educate and passionately influence people”.

• Make a list of your dream leadership positions and start to visualise your self working in those positions.

• When you know a position is coming up, start researching and investigating that organisation. If there are issues or negative aspects currently in that organisation, don’t let that put you off. The greatest leaders have the ability to turn workplaces around. 

• I am a firm believer in meaningful goal-setting when it comes to the next steps in my career. However, make sure goals and subsequent actions are challenging and far-reaching instead of easy to achieve.

• When you are setting career goals back these up with evidence to prove to yourself that you can attain these. This will decrease self-doubt.

• Visualisation is really important. Be open to looking for the position you want and be aware of the signs that lead you to this.

• I use vision boards as a strategy to allow me to focus on professional and personal goals. When these visualisations are around us we start focusing on them more. 

• I enjoy talking to people who I respect and admire about career aspirations. These people often create more questions than answers for us, but that can often be a good thing as it allows us to go deeper with our thinking. 

• I think it’s really important to acknowledge that self-doubt is OK when it comes to deciding our next career steps. We all experience it, however, our aim is to move past this into greater clarity and understanding. 

• If I continue to have negative thoughts, I list them down and then turn them into bridge statements. For example, if you are being negatively influenced by others, create a statement like “I am more than capable of making my own decisions”.

As a leadership consultant, I have a responsibility to continue to grow and develop potential leaders and get them to the stage where they feel confident to take the next steps in their careers. Let’s move away from self-doubt and see the real potential in people!

If you would like to work on your future career steps or leadership aspirations, contact me. 

sean bailey managing director – company owner m +64 21 059 8305  e sean@empoweryounz.co.nz   christchurch new zealand  w empoweryounz.blogspot.com

“Helping organisations thrive, by enabling and empowering leaders”

Theme 14: Are Leaders Born Or Made?

I was brought up with an understanding that leaders were born not made. 

With this belief firmly planted in my mind, I always looked up to people who had lots of followers and buckets loads of confidence and natural ability. I thought I could never aspire to ‘greatness’ as they had. At the time, I accepted this as normal and acceptable and continued to carry on with my life however how wrong I was.

I often reflect back now and wonder why I thought they were great or why they thought they were great!  Was it because they were confident and had the ability to attract others to follow them? Was it their natural ability to achieve? Was it their popularity and sense of humour that caused attention? Or was it adults for example teachers and parents placing them on a pedal stool? I think all of these behaviours existed and probably continue to exist and there is still a clear distinction around who people perceive as born leaders and those who are not.

To be fair, I’m not interested in people who think they are born leaders as I’ve seen many of them peter out due to a lack of stamina and determination. I’m more interested in finding out about what makes a true leader and my WHY is that I have proven that I fall into this category with what I have achieved in my life. If I went back in time to my local high school, I am sure many of the teachers who had the privilege of educating me would fall off their seats if they knew I went onto lead a large educational organisation. The few that had the most powerful influence on me and inspired me the most will not! 

I have just finished reading Seth Godin’s book ‘Tribes - We Need You to Lead Us’. He challenges us to question this whole notion of charismatic leaders. You know the people who want and need to be seen at the front. He states that being charismatic does not make you a leader. Being a leader makes you charismatic. He references great leaders who have speech impediments and fear of public speaking however can still have charisma. George VI was a good example of this.

Unfortunately, there are a number of great people who fall out of the leadership stakes when they see the charisma tick box because they start comparing themselves to others. I can see how this happens and without self-belief and determination along my journey, I could have quite easily fallen into this category. What they often fail to see is that confident, charismatic people are not born that way. Charisma Godin states is a choice, not a gift! 

Lolly Daskal is an amazing thought leader who also challenges us around true leadership. She too believes that the image we create around what constitutes a leader can be very false. True leadership is not about status nor position. We should not hold leaders in high regard because of their position. We admire them because they have held themselves to such a high standard, and by doing so, they have inspired us to do the same. She makes it very clear that leaders are not great because they have power. Leaders are great because they can empower others.

True leadership I believe is about self-belief and self-awareness. We also need to understand that true leadership is about acknowledging and understanding who we are. As Daskal states the good and the bad, the successes and the shadows. 

“Leaders are not born, they are made. They are made like everything else is made through values, virtues, principles and character". - Lolly Daskin

As an exercise, I want you to think back to a leader that has positively influenced you in the past. Were they really a true leader? If so, why?

sean bailey managing director – company owner m +64 21 059 8305  e sean@empoweryounz.co.nz   christchurch new zealand  w empoweryounz.blogspot.com

“Helping organisations thrive, by enabling and empowering leaders”

Theme 13: Are You Developing Trust In Your Organisation?

Recently I had a catch up with a teacher who was in my team at a previous school I worked at. As part of the conversation, we discussed how important it is for a leader to continuously model and demonstrate effective behaviours in any organisation whether this relates to culture, systems or wellbeing. This led me to write this article around one of the main contributors to success when leading - developing trusting relationships with others.

To start I’d like to share this quote from shame research, Dr Brené Brown.

“Trust is the glue that holds teams and organisations together” 

I really like this quote however as we know a lack of trust also has the ability to quickly pull the glue or the team apart. Once this happens, regluing is very difficult especially when leading. 

As part of this article, I also want to reference Patrick Lencioni and his book The Five Dysfunctions of a team. This is a worthwhile read and presents a number of ideas for leaders in any organisation.

When you read over the following information, I want you to reflect on your beliefs around trust and how these beliefs have come about.

Why are some of the barriers to developing trust in an organisation?

• The fear of vulnerability: People often struggle to express how they feel because they fear being judged by others.

• Consistency: Despite the fact that people claim to be completely trustworthy, they often only trust some people in an organisation.

• Past experiences: Focusing on past instances where trust has been lost or broken down, can influence our present thinking. I’m sure you have looked back on times when trust has been compromised and what happened as a result.

• A lack of support: Some organisations do not encourage employees to be pushed in a supportive way therefore people can often feel suppressed around their thoughts, ideas and feelings.

• No clear purpose: In some organisations, the purpose or WHY is not clear. If the leader is unable to clearly see the direction the organisation is going or his or her intentions, trust can be compromised.

• An absence of skills and knowledge: Unfortunately, some leaders are not equipped with the necessary skills or knowledge to manage conversations or behaviours around trust. 

• A need to protect yourself: When trust breaks down in an organisation as mentioned above it can be difficult to claw it back. When people lose trust, there is also a need to protect themselves.

• A presence of ego: Some leaders tend to lead with egocentric capabilities and are so busy looking after themselves, their reputation and hiding their weaknesses that they fail to look after the needs of their team and organisation.

• Blame: Blaming can exist in an organisation and when this way of being develops in an organisation, it can be difficult to trust people.

• Not seeking help: Trust can break down when people are unwilling to ask for help and provide constructive feedback to others.

• Individual vs. group needs: Often within an organisation, there is more an ‘I’ rather than a ‘we’ culture. An unwillingness to teach and support others can lead to a lack of trust.

• Not collaborating effectively: Unfortunately, some people find it challenging working and collaborating with others which can lead to trust issues.

"Trust is knowing that when a team member does push you, they’re doing it because they care about the team". 

- Patrick Lencioni

How can trusting relationships be established and sustained in an organisation?

For trust to really exist in an organisation, leaders must be willing to demonstrate vulnerability and avoid punishing team members who demonstrate vulnerability in their positions. Brené Brown has taught us that vulnerability is a strength.

Team members need to work in a supportive environment where they feel OK about discussing the weaknesses and mistakes they have made.

Leaders need to model and demonstrate every day the importance of asking for help when needed. 

When working with teams leaders need to and accept questions and opinions around their position of responsibility. As a leader, this ensures you remain responsible and accountable. 

Avoid judging team members for what they say and do as well as coming to negative conclusions. If you are doing this, it is time to take a good hard look at yourself as a leader.

Being brave, courageous and willing to take calculated risks in your organisation is sure to build relational trust.

As a leader, your responsibility is teaching and growing members of your team. This is something I focused on continuously when I was leading which led to high trust.

Utilizing other people’s skills and strengths within your organisation is a powerful strategy to develop trust.

When leading you are judged around your ability to lead robust discussions around improvement. Always remember to focus on what matters most and avoid wasting time discussing fixed mindset topics.

When was the last time you apologised or said sorry to a member of your team? They need to know that you are human and sometimes you make mistakes.

In summary, many of the strategies that have been recommended you will already be aware of however as leaders there is a real need to use these consistently if trusting relationships are to be encouraged and fostered in your organisation.

“If we don’t trust one another, then we aren’t going to engage in open, constructive, ideological conflict. And we’ll just continue to preserve a sense of artificial harmony”. 

- Patrick Lencioni

If you would like to develop this thinking further within your organisation, get in touch.

sean bailey managing director – company owner m +64 21 059 8305  e sean@empoweryounz.co.nz   christchurch new zealand  w empoweryounz.blogspot.com

“Helping organisations thrive, by enabling and empowering leaders”

Theme 12: Leading With An Infinite Mindset

Most weekends while exercising around Hagley Park, I listen to inspirational podcasts and take this opportunity to learn from some amazing people around the world.

Simon Sinek & Lewis Howes interview to discuss The Power of the Infinite Mindset is really worth listening too.

https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/the-school-of-greatness/id596047499?i=1000453396995

My top 10 takeaways from this podcast:

1. We tend to treat ‘systems’ instead of the ‘cause’ i.e. work-life balance. Running, for example,

could be a system (strategy) to control stress but only for a short time. What fixes imbalance is better

quality leadership in an organisation.

2. Leadership is a responsibility to the people around us - it’s not a rank.

3. It’s our god-given right to love to go to work.

4. Emotional possession of our leaders is critical. Do you view the person who leads your organisation as ‘the leader’ or ‘our leader’? Greater commitment occurs when employees feel

emotionally connected to an organisation.

5. Leaders undertake elements of risk. They go first when being courageous and then employees

take responsibility to follow them.

6. The best leaders are also the best followers. They lead in service around a cause and know that

there is something bigger than themselves.

7. Self-confidence comes from the outside, not the inside and develops from the relationships you have and your acts of service. The way we build confidence is ‘with’ and by helping others.

8. Thinking you’re good is healthy. Thinking you’re better than someone else is unhealthy.

9. Good followership is just as important as leadership.

10. For people to be the leader they didn’t have, they need to be ‘students of leadership’ by reading, watching talks, having conversations. You have to be genuinely interested in the subject!

Share your thoughts after listening.

sean bailey managing director – company owner m +64 21 059 8305  e sean@empoweryounz.co.nz   christchurch new zealand  w empoweryounz.blogspot.com

“Helping organisations thrive, by enabling and empowering leaders”

Theme 11: Are You Leading With A Growth Mindset?

I’m currently rereading Mindset by Carol Dweck. This copy was given to me by Ben Wagstaff an awesome student from one one of the previous schools I led.

The ‘nuggets of greatness’ below relate to the chapter on Business: Mindset and Leadership.

Growth Mindset Leaders …..

* Have a belief in human potential and development, both their own and other people’s

* Welcome change and new ideas regardless of their source.

* Employ people with passion and a desire to get things done.

* Spend time on the ‘shop floor’ talking and listening to employees, observing practice and gathering feedback.

* Are not interested in elitism or personal status.

* Collaborate with employees regardless of their position to solve problems and make decisions

* Are tough but compassionate.

* Believe leadership is about growth and passion, not brilliance.

* Are full of gratitude.

* Give praise for taking initiative, for seeing a difficult task through, for struggling and learning something new, by being undaunted by a setback, for being open to and acting on criticism.

* Give a great deal more developmental coaching

* Present skills as learnable.

* Regularly convey that the organisation values learning and perseverance, not just ready-made genius or talent.

* Give feedback in a way that promotes learning and future success.

* Employ people with the potential to develop.

* Create organisations that prizes the development of ability.

* Don’t employ people who don’t believe in the organisation’s values.

* Reward teamwork rather than individual genius.

* Believe in personal growth and creating a culture that fosters this.

* Stay committed and don’t falter especially when leading is a challenge.

Reflective Questions to consider:

1. As a leader how are you currently developing a growth mindset in your organisation?

2. Are you helping people develop and reach their full potential?

3. How can you profit more from the feedback you get?

4. Are there ways you can develop more learning experiences for yourself?

If you would like to look at developing more growth mindset approaches in your organisation contact me. In the meantime, I recommend you read this inspiring book.

sean bailey managing director – company owner m +64 21 059 8305  e sean@empoweryounz.co.nz   christchurch new zealand  w empoweryounz.blogspot.com

“Helping organisations thrive, by enabling and empowering leaders”

Theme 10: Braving The Tiger: Mastering The Art Of Tough Conversations

When we peel back all the complex layers that exist around leadership, we reveal one of the most challenging aspects that often is not addressed or avoided at all costs within an organisation - Open to Learning or tough conversations.

Leaders generally don’t enjoy this part of their job and can use a number of strategies to escape certain issues, problems or concerns instead of being courageous enough to tackle them head-on. 

Why are these types of conversations avoided?
There are a number of reasons.

A thought can exist that if an issue, problem or concern is left long enough, it will magically
disappear! However, for those of us who have led organisations, this is often not the case. Instead
what we tend to see is it manifesting and getting worse if left not addressed.

Acclaimed shame and vulnerability researcher, Brené Brown has identified a number of reasons why leaders don’t have brave conversations with their employees; these include a lack of courage and a lack of skills. Interestingly enough she also uncovered that often there is a cultural norm that exists in organisations around being nice and polite. 

This ‘nice and polite’ culture is about leaders being more interested in maintaining a positive relationship with employees than improving standards and outcomes. As a result, an organisation's vision and values are often severely compromised. 

What can happen when leaders avoid hard and tough conversations?
A lack of clarity and coherence in an organisation.
A decline in engagement and trust.
A lack of respect.
An increase in behaviour that is difficult to manage.

Recently I surveyed two highly competent leaders whose leadership skills I have admired over the years. One has been trained in either Open to Learning Conversations and both are trained coaches. I used the following survey questions to gather some data and gain their perspective on this important topic. Here are their responses:

1. Why do you think some leaders avoid brave, tough, courageous conversations?

Leader 1: 

• Emotions play a big part here. People do not like to upset others. They may be concerned that they could be perceived as not being supportive or looking after the well being of the other person.

Leader 2: 

• A lack of training of the Open to Learning process so, therefore, the lack of understanding of it and how to use it.

• A lack of courage – wanting to be nice to the staff. In my experience, these people really

come a cropper as they don’t understand that it’s not about nice but about effectiveness. You can do Open to Learning Conversations and maintain someone’s mana and your own. I have worked with many schools where the principal has not had clear expectations and in most of those cases, the school has been arranged around the needs of staff, not children. On the other hand, there are those that want to tell staff off. Sometime this might need to happen- in a respectful way!

• Many leaders do not apply the ladder of inference (not making assumptions) in their daily work so make all sorts of assumptions without collecting the data or information.

• Some of our leaders have a lack of self-awareness – those important interpersonal

skills.

2. How have you developed/refined your skills in this area over the time you have led an organisation?

Leader 1: 

• I try not to leave these conversations and ponder on them. You are better to have an open honest discussion with someone rather than leave a situation which you know needs to be addressed. These situations don't go away, they usually get worse over time.

Leader 2: 

• I have been taught a process through various programme and subsequent courses.

• Teach the process.

• Practice the process with leadership – a lot of training on the process and on the questions.

3. What have you learnt from the tough and courageous conversations you have had in the past?

Leader 1: 

• The person you need to talk to usually knows there is something that is not right and wants to get sorted too. They respect you for addressing an issue which they often don't know what to do about either. If it is a situation which they are unaware of, then they can work towards a solution in partnership with you.

Leader 2: 

• Use the process – it keeps everyone safe.

• Clear evidence and your questions are the key.

• Being present and willing to have your assumptions challenged.

4. What advice have you got for new and emerging leaders around developing the skills around tough and courageous conversations?

Leader 1: 

• Make sure you have someone taking notes throughout the conversation. 

• Stay solutions focussed. 

• Do not lay blame or buy into any destructive discussions. 

• Try to keep emotions out of the conversation. 

• Be open-minded, flexible in your thinking and prepared to change the outcome which you may have thought about prior to the meeting. You have to take the information shared by the other person into account before planning the next steps to be taken. It is a really positive feeling when you get a resolution to these significant challenges.

Leader 2:

• Do the training on Open to Learning Conversations or at least check out the process – it’s all online.

• If you have a Professional Learning Group, practice with them.

• Be brave and have a go.

• Prepare – follow the structure and prepare- including having good evidence- Be really honest and don’t pussyfoot around the issue. Clearly state what you mean. 

• WRITE IT ALL DOWN.

• Ensure you are going in down the ladder of inference. Make sure your questions are curious – you are really seeking to understand. Choose some good questions you might like to ask. Most should be open questions. 

• Be present – the first rule of coaching – arrange a time to have total focus on the person and the conversation.

• When you get to the part where you are working with them to move forward, listen carefully and reflect on what they are saying without rushing in. Use your pause button. 

• At all times work to maintain the person mana – if you follow a process, you have good evidence and you are well prepared and willing to get to a solution this will happen. Don’t blame or abuse. 

• Part of the process is to be accountable and committed to finding solutions – I say when I’m training – give one. You may have to accept some responsibility.

• PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE.

• Regularly have training sessions with your leadership teams – it will give them confidence. I encourage mine to document a real conversation and come and try it out on me.

From their great responses, what themes and patterns can you see emerging?

What are the alternatives to avoiding brave and tough conversations?

If you are leading an organisation, there is no getting around this one. Tough and brave

conversations are part of your job as well as developing a culture where these types of

conversations are the norm. When I was principal of Te Uru Tarata, I found modelling these types of conversations gave other leaders in the school confidence to do the same.

As a leader, you need to take responsibility and play your part in tough and brave conversations. Yes, this does mean taking ownership for what you have done and said if needed. This does not, however, mean that you need to own something that you have not created and caused in the first place which can sometimes happen to help appease and cover over a situation.

All the experts around brave and tough conversations will also provide you with advice around staying true and explicit to your own values. I’m sure you have witnessed situations in the past where leaders have severely compromised their own values and as a result, have lost trust with their employees. 

As a leader, it is really important to be clear around your intentions when leading an organisation and sticking to your vision. Although developing a strong, positive culture where all employees get on is important, it is not necessarily what makes the biggest difference around improvement.

This leads me to my next point, the importance of ensuring people’s integrity stays intact during brave or courageous conversation. I have witnessed examples in the past where leaders have belittled or talked down to employees to maintain a level of mana or respect. However as we know, this way of often falling flat and creates more a lack of respect. Your role as a leader is to create conditions in your workplace where employees are listened to and respected. As a result, you develop trust and connection with others. Remember, always leave your ego at the door.

When reflecting on our leadership experiences from the past, I think we have all been guilty of wanting to create a harmonious culture, where there are few issues and challenges, and those that do come up are dealt with quickly. However, as we know this may be our ‘future perfect’ however not necessarily the reality. If you are going to successfully lead an organisation there will always be issues, problems, tension to deal with. It’s how we deal with these challenges that make a difference.

Finally, some important advice from Brené Brown ‘Clear is kind, Unclear is unkind’. Always ensure you do your best to plan any brave or courageous conversations you have within your organisation. Unless the problem, issue or concern is urgent, give yourself the gift of time. There are a number of models and scaffolds that exist, that can be used for these types of conversations.

If you would like to learn more about the processes around brave and tough conversations, please contact me. I also use an accredited coaching programme to work with leaders to increase their understanding and knowledge in this area.

sean bailey managing director – company owner m +64 21 059 8305  e sean@empoweryounz.co.nz   christchurch new zealand  w empoweryounz.blogspot.com

“Helping organisations thrive, by enabling and empowering leaders”